Comments on: The Watch Tower: Enabling Abusers http://jwrecovery.org/2009/09/the-watchtower-enabling-abusers/ Free Online Magazine for Recovering Jehovah's Witnesses Fri, 23 Jul 2010 19:03:40 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.2 hourly 1 By: Spongebob T shirt http://jwrecovery.org/2009/09/the-watchtower-enabling-abusers/comment-page-1/#comment-1007 Spongebob T shirt Thu, 03 Jun 2010 07:08:59 +0000 http://jwrecovery.org/?p=189#comment-1007 Thank you to get sharing this information. But it really will be actually great to get some additional details! Thank you to get sharing this information. But it really will be actually great to get some additional details!

]]> By: Free to Be Me http://jwrecovery.org/2009/09/the-watchtower-enabling-abusers/comment-page-1/#comment-457 Free to Be Me Thu, 04 Mar 2010 20:56:29 +0000 http://jwrecovery.org/?p=189#comment-457 Hi Happy, I knew a person who grew up with a stepfather elder who sounds exactly like your former stepfather. I am glad that you went to college, saw the world, and are became a productive citizen. It's a shame that the world sees us as apostates instead of freethinking survivors. Many high schools have an alumni webpage. It's a shame that I cannot befriend my former classmates who are (still) JWs because even though they befriend their never-been JW former classmates, I am off-limits because I'm inactive. Hi Happy,

I knew a person who grew up with a stepfather elder who sounds exactly like your former stepfather. I am glad that you went to college, saw the world, and are became a productive citizen.

It’s a shame that the world sees us as apostates instead of freethinking survivors.

Many high schools have an alumni webpage. It’s a shame that I cannot befriend my former classmates who are (still) JWs because even though they befriend their never-been JW former classmates, I am off-limits because I’m inactive.

]]> By: Happy ToB Free http://jwrecovery.org/2009/09/the-watchtower-enabling-abusers/comment-page-1/#comment-371 Happy ToB Free Fri, 12 Feb 2010 18:56:33 +0000 http://jwrecovery.org/?p=189#comment-371 All I can say Spongbob is the ring of truth is what probably bothers you. Face reality. I had no reason to make this up. As a matter of fact, I risked much by telling it, all of us who share our stories in a public way risk loosing contact with loved ones still in...and you know that to be true. All I can say Spongbob is the ring of truth is what probably bothers you. Face reality. I had no reason to make this up. As a matter of fact, I risked much by telling it, all of us who share our stories in a public way risk loosing contact with loved ones still in…and you know that to be true.

]]> By: Spongebob http://jwrecovery.org/2009/09/the-watchtower-enabling-abusers/comment-page-1/#comment-366 Spongebob Thu, 11 Feb 2010 10:03:43 +0000 http://jwrecovery.org/?p=189#comment-366 Lies Lies and more Lies! Apostates suck! Sorry but get a job! :) :) :) <3 <3 <3 Lies Lies and more Lies!
Apostates suck!
Sorry but get a job! :) :) :)
<3 <3 <3

]]> By: Happy ToB Free http://jwrecovery.org/2009/09/the-watchtower-enabling-abusers/comment-page-1/#comment-204 Happy ToB Free Tue, 15 Dec 2009 05:05:28 +0000 http://jwrecovery.org/?p=189#comment-204 Rachael, I am so sorry you are going through this. Remember, you are only under his control until you turn 18 and get out. You can decide who you are, what you believe and what kind of a person you want to be then. YOU will have the ability to leave the controlled life forever. You need to start your escape plan now. Your sister chose what she needed to and I certainly do not blame her. That is one option you can take. Perhaps she would let you move in with her. Do not forget about college. Talk to the guidance counselor at school and see if there are financial aid options available for you. I went to college using financial aid. After you leave home you can get in touch with your dad and your sister, and be your own person. I would suggest you make plans for your freedom and keep the peace at home because as you know, it only makes life worse if you do not appear to be listening to your step-dad BUT, never forget you are your own person. He cannot control you forever. He may be able to control your actions now but he cannot control your heart, protect it from him. Do not let him see how strong you really are. He does not know the real you. In 2 years, you will be free if you want to be. 2 years is not very long, you made it this far, you are almost there. Rachael,

I am so sorry you are going through this. Remember, you are only under his control until you turn 18 and get out. You can decide who you are, what you believe and what kind of a person you want to be then. YOU will have the ability to leave the controlled life forever. You need to start your escape plan now. Your sister chose what she needed to and I certainly do not blame her. That is one option you can take. Perhaps she would let you move in with her. Do not forget about college. Talk to the guidance counselor at school and see if there are financial aid options available for you. I went to college using financial aid.
After you leave home you can get in touch with your dad and your sister, and be your own person. I would suggest you make plans for your freedom and keep the peace at home because as you know, it only makes life worse if you do not appear to be listening to your step-dad BUT, never forget you are your own person. He cannot control you forever. He may be able to control your actions now but he cannot control your heart, protect it from him. Do not let him see how strong you really are. He does not know the real you. In 2 years, you will be free if you want to be. 2 years is not very long, you made it this far, you are almost there.

]]> By: Rachael http://jwrecovery.org/2009/09/the-watchtower-enabling-abusers/comment-page-1/#comment-203 Rachael Tue, 15 Dec 2009 01:14:24 +0000 http://jwrecovery.org/?p=189#comment-203 Your story is exactly, to the tee, how I live. I pretty much hate my step dad because he's such a control freak. I'm not allowed to talk to my dad because he's not a witness, I haven't since I was 5 years old. I'm 16 now, so still not allowed to till I'm 18. My mom is miserable, she drinks every night until she gets super drunk because she she doesn't like him. But somehow she won't leave him, well not allowed to, since he's not physically abusive, though he's very emotionally abusive. My sister and I went to the elders about him and they didn't do anything. It's a very hopeless situation so I just deal with it. My sister turned 18 in 2008 and moved out right away, moved out and in with her boyfriend, who is wordly, and now she's getting announced as being disfellowshipped at the Thursday night meeting. So I'm not allowed to talk to her which sucks because grew up with her and she was my best friend. So that's super depressing. Anyway, thanks for sharing your story, it's encouraging to know that other people had to go through the same things I do so thank you. Your story is exactly, to the tee, how I live. I pretty much hate my step dad because he’s such a control freak. I’m not allowed to talk to my dad because he’s not a witness, I haven’t since I was 5 years old. I’m 16 now, so still not allowed to till I’m 18. My mom is miserable, she drinks every night until she gets super drunk because she she doesn’t like him. But somehow she won’t leave him, well not allowed to, since he’s not physically abusive, though he’s very emotionally abusive. My sister and I went to the elders about him and they didn’t do anything. It’s a very hopeless situation so I just deal with it. My sister turned 18 in 2008 and moved out right away, moved out and in with her boyfriend, who is wordly, and now she’s getting announced as being disfellowshipped at the Thursday night meeting. So I’m not allowed to talk to her which sucks because grew up with her and she was my best friend. So that’s super depressing. Anyway, thanks for sharing your story, it’s encouraging to know that other people had to go through the same things I do so thank you.

]]> By: Happy ToB Free http://jwrecovery.org/2009/09/the-watchtower-enabling-abusers/comment-page-1/#comment-89 Happy ToB Free Wed, 07 Oct 2009 00:14:41 +0000 http://jwrecovery.org/?p=189#comment-89 Heather and others, Thank you all for your kind words. After bouts of counseling and much self reflection I have been able to come to grips with my past. I understand I am the sum of those experiences and I have learned so very much from them. I do not dwell on them, seldom even talk about it. I think it is important for others to understand that my story is not unusual for children growing up in JW. MANY others have had worse experiences, others had it much better. All I know is this was my story. It happens, it is allowed and there is no help offered to the women and children in this situation. My feelings toward becoming an atheist took many years to develop and I did not base them only on my childhood. It was a contributing factor. Again, your kind words are appreciated. Heather and others,

Thank you all for your kind words. After bouts of counseling and much self reflection I have been able to come to grips with my past. I understand I am the sum of those experiences and I have learned so very much from them. I do not dwell on them, seldom even talk about it. I think it is important for others to understand that my story is not unusual for children growing up in JW. MANY others have had worse experiences, others had it much better. All I know is this was my story. It happens, it is allowed and there is no help offered to the women and children in this situation.

My feelings toward becoming an atheist took many years to develop and I did not base them only on my childhood. It was a contributing factor. Again, your kind words are appreciated.

]]> By: Heather http://jwrecovery.org/2009/09/the-watchtower-enabling-abusers/comment-page-1/#comment-66 Heather Fri, 02 Oct 2009 18:11:24 +0000 http://jwrecovery.org/?p=189#comment-66 Happy To Be Free: I wasn't going to reply, but your story weighed heavy on my heart. I am so sorry that you experienced these things. My husband was raised a JW until he was 8 years old. There is so much about him that I don't understand and as I've learned about the Watchtower Society, I am finding astonishing links between some of his behavior and things I've read. It makes me so sad for him. I love him so much and to realize that he's been treated a certain way makes me ill. Never negate what you've been through (you stated that some people have been through much worse) and while that's true, I believe every trial and tribulation that we go through defines who we are and who we become. The trick is that it is up to us to make that determination. We can become negative and bitter from everything that we endure or we can use it to become stronger and help others. Just to give you some background on me, I grew up in a true christian home. We went to church, knew and believed in Jesus and we were happy and loved...Loved by not only our earthly parents, but our Heavenly Father as well. I was 9 when I became a christian and when I was 16, I started to lose my way you might call it. I was drinking, doing drugs and having sex. Why did I lose my way? I don't know. Why didn't God save me from all of that? He did. But I wasn't listening. He gave me all the tools to make good decisions for my life including FREE WILL. If my life had been perfect all throughout and I never endured any hardships...If God saved me before I ever made a single mistake I wouldn't be the person I am today. It is not God's fault that I made those decisions. It would be like me sitting blaming my parents for my decisions. They guided me the best they knew and it was up to me to make the right decisions for myself. Do I wish that I had saved myself for my husband? Without a doubt in my mind...YES! I have seen God work so many times in my life, even when I have chosen to ignore him. As a child you should not have had to go through the things you went through, but my guess is that today you are a phenomenal person b/c of it. I imagine that you are an incredible mother to your children, showering them with love and understanding. I would like to keep you in my prayers. I hope for the best for you and your family. Happy To Be Free:
I wasn’t going to reply, but your story weighed heavy on my heart. I am so sorry that you experienced these things. My husband was raised a JW until he was 8 years old. There is so much about him that I don’t understand and as I’ve learned about the Watchtower Society, I am finding astonishing links between some of his behavior and things I’ve read. It makes me so sad for him. I love him so much and to realize that he’s been treated a certain way makes me ill. Never negate what you’ve been through (you stated that some people have been through much worse) and while that’s true, I believe every trial and tribulation that we go through defines who we are and who we become. The trick is that it is up to us to make that determination. We can become negative and bitter from everything that we endure or we can use it to become stronger and help others. Just to give you some background on me, I grew up in a true christian home. We went to church, knew and believed in Jesus and we were happy and loved…Loved by not only our earthly parents, but our Heavenly Father as well. I was 9 when I became a christian and when I was 16, I started to lose my way you might call it. I was drinking, doing drugs and having sex. Why did I lose my way? I don’t know. Why didn’t God save me from all of that? He did. But I wasn’t listening. He gave me all the tools to make good decisions for my life including FREE WILL. If my life had been perfect all throughout and I never endured any hardships…If God saved me before I ever made a single mistake I wouldn’t be the person I am today. It is not God’s fault that I made those decisions. It would be like me sitting blaming my parents for my decisions. They guided me the best they knew and it was up to me to make the right decisions for myself. Do I wish that I had saved myself for my husband? Without a doubt in my mind…YES! I have seen God work so many times in my life, even when I have chosen to ignore him. As a child you should not have had to go through the things you went through, but my guess is that today you are a phenomenal person b/c of it. I imagine that you are an incredible mother to your children, showering them with love and understanding. I would like to keep you in my prayers. I hope for the best for you and your family.

]]> By: Happy to be Free http://jwrecovery.org/2009/09/the-watchtower-enabling-abusers/comment-page-1/#comment-36 Happy to be Free Tue, 29 Sep 2009 14:53:27 +0000 http://jwrecovery.org/?p=189#comment-36 Leah, It was a JW problem using the name of God as a cover. JW enabled and fueled Jim's behavior by looking the other way when his abusive behavior was noticed by many in the congregation. Jim was an elder, a leader, an example for others. I concluded that if removing Jim from my life was done by the hand of God, what took him so long? Why did he wait for me to grow up and allow me to spend my most tender young years being subjected to a tyrant? Where was he? How could this be his plan for children in his special organization? I do not blame God. I realize that things changed in my situation when we decided to change it ourselves. God did not intervene in any way. I asked for his help on many tearful nights as a young child and I still had to grow up, leave and stay away on my own. My mother had to leave on her own as well. Today I am an atheist. Leah,

It was a JW problem using the name of God as a cover. JW enabled and fueled Jim’s behavior by looking the other way when his abusive behavior was noticed by many in the congregation. Jim was an elder, a leader, an example for others.

I concluded that if removing Jim from my life was done by the hand of God, what took him so long? Why did he wait for me to grow up and allow me to spend my most tender young years being subjected to a tyrant? Where was he? How could this be his plan for children in his special organization?

I do not blame God. I realize that things changed in my situation when we decided to change it ourselves. God did not intervene in any way. I asked for his help on many tearful nights as a young child and I still had to grow up, leave and stay away on my own. My mother had to leave on her own as well.

Today I am an atheist.

]]> By: Leah http://jwrecovery.org/2009/09/the-watchtower-enabling-abusers/comment-page-1/#comment-29 Leah Tue, 29 Sep 2009 07:27:03 +0000 http://jwrecovery.org/?p=189#comment-29 Kudos for helping your mom. However, I really dislike it when God gets the blame or glory for the actions of people. Your mom accredited God with getting rid of Jim & you obviously disagree. So why would you ask why God would allow this to happen to children? This wasn't a "God" problem, it was a "Jim" problem. Kudos for helping your mom. However, I really dislike it when God gets the blame or glory for the actions of people. Your mom accredited God with getting rid of Jim & you obviously disagree. So why would you ask why God would allow this to happen to children? This wasn’t a “God” problem, it was a “Jim” problem.

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